Major giants all came into us through our feelings of rejection and our need to feel significant as children. Iím not going to tell the whole testimony of my major giant slayings, but only enough to show where the results came from. I have learned better than to tell too many details to those starting on the Hard Path. It is a natural tendency for many to try to make formulas on how to travel the Path, by using my examples. I want no one following me, but only want to point the way to Jesus. You will shortly see that you are unique, and you will take a unique Path made only for you, and you alone. I can aid in pointing out how to see signposts, but when it comes down to traveling the Path, it must be one of self-discovery.
Having much experience behind me already, it took little time to know my major giantís name was ďDefiance.Ē The painful life circumstances that brought it up for battle were: being betrayed by a close friend; being put on trial for lies brought against me in church; being found guilty of those lies by pastors who hoped I would leave the church and no longer be a thorn in their sides.
All the way through the events, I knew my persecutors were acting out of evil. But it was firmly established in me to see what God was showing me about myself, not them. God took me back in my memories to my childhood, where it all began as a defense against my parents shaming me, making me feel rejected. He even showed me a vision of me as a child with fists clenched, glaring at my mom. And in the vision, I heard my dad call me a banty rooster, as he so often did back then. If you know those bantams, they will defy and fight anything that threatens them.
When I finally saw the truth about how I had turned to defiance as a child in order to cover my shame, I was devastated. I saw how I had refined my defiance over the years. I saw how I had become able to say a supposedly innocent sentence, yet there would be a subtle barb in it, challenging whomever I was talking to. And I did it so well that if someone argued back, it would expose that my barb had hit the mark, proving it to be true.
It is no wonder my pastors wanted to be rid of me. I had told them messages from God as the prophet I was, that were absolutely correct. But the barbs in my telling them had caused them to reject the words outright, in defense of their shame. I was humiliated to find this in me. But I had also learned how to defeat giants by now, even if the doing of it was even more humiliating.
When I knew I had all the information God wanted me to see, I went to the very pastors who had crucified me. There, in tears of remorse, I confessed what I had found in me. I knew better than to tell them that even so, the messages I had given them were still true. Had I, it would have been justifying myself, and in healings such as this, any justifying voids the healing. I knew beforehand that when I would confess these things to them, they would feel justified that they had been right in crucifying me. It was a horrible price to pay, but the results would be worth it.
You may see here that killing major giants after you find them is done by accurately confessing them before another human and God with zero justification. Sometimes as above, God requires not just any brother to confess to, but instead particular ones that make it all the more humiliating.
In defeating most of my giants, I had to confess details of the devilís lie I believed that let them in, the defenses I had set up to defend the giant, and how it had negatively affected those around me, all my life. I see how as a result of my childhood shaming, I had vowed to someday be seen as significant. I see how I used defiance to keep my shame from being seen as I sought significance in the eyes of others.
In defeating most of my giants, I had to confess details of the devilís lies I believed that let them in, the defenses I had set up to defend the giant, and how it had negatively affected those around me, all my life. I see how as a result of my childhood shaming, I had vowed to someday be seen as significant. I see how I used defiance to keep my shame from being seen as I sought significance in the eyes of others.
What this particular giant slaying accomplished in me was a parable to Jesusí going to the cross. There in utter humility, He exposed shame, Satan himself. When I exposed my own evil in humility, shame lost its power over me from then on. I now no longer needed any defenses to keep others from seeing my shame. I could not stand naked and unashamed before man and God. I had been redeemed (To an extent).
The fiery trials I went through to be redeemed were at once the worst and the best times of my life. Not only did I see how evil had come into me, but I also saw the trap I had been in as a child, being deceived to become evil. This allowed me to forgive and love myself, at last. Now my spirit has awakened to an extent and is still growing. But make no mistake about it, I am not a finished Bride. God has left a thorn in my side, a messenger to keep me from pride of my walk with Him. Nevertheless, I have entered the Sabbath Rest. Once my spirit awoke to help bring sense to things, the Bible opened up to me so I could put the whole of it in perspective.
Now, it needs to be understood that since I have this body with Satanís seed in it, the shame spirit still resides in it. But shame no longer rules me from its cowering position. (You might now see why our bodies must be changed when we go to Heaven.) Instead, my own spirit has come forth to make sense of all I see. My discernment has gone to high levels. It usually only takes a few words from another before I know their defenses against shame, and essentially, how they got to be the way they are.
I have absolutely no grudges against anybody, not even the pastors who crucified me. How could I? After all, if I had gone so long with a demon of defiance in me without knowing it, how can I hold it against another who has demons that affects me through them? I donít have to like what they did to me, but I can easily ask the Father to forgive them for no knowing what they are doing, and mean it. I do not want them to have pay a price for what they have done to me unknowingly. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
I must admit, I miss the excitement and warm fuzzies of my babyhood in Christ. It was fun. But I know I have treasures in Heaven waiting for me that will more than compensate for what I gave up. Back then, I was pleased to have the gifts that helped me in ministry. But there has come a knowing that now they have gone beyond being gifts. I have earned them and they are part of me now. I can say that and more without bragging, for I need no approval from anybody to feed my ego.
The walk, from the time I understood it was a special walk, took about three and half years. It is my hope that what I write here can make it go faster for any others who decide to take the walk on the Hard Path. That seems reasonable to me, for I had no former ideas on how to navigate, and stumbled along in darkness much of the way. My first minor giant took over a year to slay. The last major giant took about a week. Perhaps the Way will become a highway through the wilderness at last, and the Bride made ready in a quick work, just before Jesus comes for her.
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